بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

اَلْحَمْدُ لِلّٰهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَ الصَّلاَةُ وَ السَّلاَمُ عَلَى سَيِّدِنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَ عَلَى آلِهِ وَ صَحْبِهِ اَجْمَعِينَ

MARRIAGE - FAMILY

“The most comprehensive centre of man's worldly life, and its mainspring, and a Jannah, refuge, and fortress of worldly happiness, is the life of the family. Everyone's home is a small world for him. And the life and happiness of his home and family life are possible through sincere, earnest, and loyal respect and true, tender, and self-sacrificing compassion. This true respect and sincere kindness may be achieved with the idea, aqîdah of the members of the family having an everlasting companionship and friendship and togetherness, and their parental, filial, brotherly, and friendly relations continuing for all eternity in a limitless life. One says, for example: "My wife will be my constant life-companion in an everlasting ‘âlam and eternal life. It does not matter if she is now old and ugly, for she will have an eternal beauty." He will tell himself that he will be as kind and devoted as he can for the sake of that permanent companionship, and treat his elderly wife lovingly and kindly as though she was a beautiful houri. A companionship that was to end in eternal separation after an hour or two of brief, apparent friendship would otherwise afford only superficial, temporary, feigned, animal-like feelings, and false compassion and artificial respect. As with animals, self-interest and other overpowering feelings would prevail over the respect and compassion, transforming that worldly Jannah into Jahannam.” The Words ( 110 )

 

The extremely essential and intense relationship, love and connection between man and woman are not only based on the needs of worldly life. Yes, a woman is a life companion of her husband not only in worldly life but also she is a life companion in eternal life. Since she is also her husband's life companion in eternal life, she surely should not attract the looks of others to her beauties besides her husband, who is her eternal friend and companion, and should not offend and make him jealous.

Since in consequence of the mystery of îmân, her mu’min husband's connection to her is not confined to worldly life, and his love is not only animal-like, temporary and restricted to the time of her beauty but rather he is attached to her with true and earnest love and respect in terms of her being his life companion in eternal life. He bears that earnest love and respect for her not only during her youth and at the time of beauty but also at the time of oldness and ugliness. Indeed, in return for this, appropriating her beauties to his regard alone and restricting her love only to him are the requirement of humanity. Otherwise, she would gain very little but lose very much.

According to the Sharî’ah, the husband should be equivalent to the wife, that is, they should be suitable for each other. The most important aspect of this equivalence is the point of being religious. Happy is the husband who sees the piety of his woman and imitates her, and he becomes pious in order not to lose his companion in eternal life.

Fortunate is the woman who sees the piety of her husband and enters taqwâ in order not to lose her eternal friend. 1

Alas for the man who enters dissipation, which will cause him to lose his sâliha woman eternally. How unfortunate is the woman who does not follow her muttaqî husband and loses her blessed eternal friend.

A thousand alas for that unfortunate husband and wife; they imitate the fisq and dissipation of each other. They help one another to be thrown into the fire!2 It is well-known that the abundance of generations is desired by everyone. There is no nation or government that does not support the multiplicity of successive generations. Ar-Rasûl Al-Akram ‘Alayhissalâtu Wassalâm decreed: تَنَاكَحُوا تَكَاثَرُوا فَاِنِّى اُبَاهِى بِكُمُ اْلاُمَمَ  (As he said) That is: "Marry and increase, for in the qiyâmah I will take pride in your great numbers." However, the abrogation of tasattur does not increase marriage but decreases it greatly. Because even the most dissolute and secular young man wants a chaste life companion possessing a keen sense of honour. Since he does not want her to be secular like himself, that is, he does not want her to dress immodestly, he remains unmarried and even enters fornication.

The woman is not like that, she cannot restrict her husband to that extent. Because since, on account of being the domestic administrator in the family life, the woman is an official in protecting all of her husband's possessions, his children and everything that belongs to him, her most essential moral quality is loyalty and trustworthiness. Immodest dressing destroys this loyalty; she loses trustworthiness in her husband’s eyes and makes him suffer the torment of conscience. Even if courage and generosity, which are two beautiful moral qualities in men, are found in women, they are considered bad moral qualities since they damage loyalty and trustworthiness. But her husband's duty is not loyalty and not being a treasurer to her, but rather protection, mercy and respect. Therefore, he cannot be restricted. He can marry other women as well.3

Our country cannot be compared with Europe. Because, there, amid the immodest dressing, honour is preserved to a degree by violent means such as the duel. One who looks at the wife of an honoured man with impure eyes wraps his shroud to his neck and then looks. Also, in Europe, which is a place of cold countries, the characters are cold and frigid like those countries. Asia, that is, the continent of the world of Islam, has relatively warm countries. It is well-known that the environment has an effect on the character of the man. Immodest dressing for sharpening appetites and stimulating animal desires might not result in waste and misuse in those cold countries and those cold people. But immodest dressing that will continually excite the desires of the nafs of the quickly affected and sensitive people in warm countries is certainly the cause of much waste, misuse, weakness of generation and a loss of strength. Instead of the need of fitrah, which is once a month or twenty days, he supposes himself to be obliged to waste every few days. Then, since he is obliged to avoid his wife for fifteen days every month due to occurrences like her menstrual cycle, he will even incline to promiscuity if he is defeated by his nafs.

 The Twenty-Fourth Flash/Second – Fourth Hikmah

 

This year, while I was in seclusion and although I withdrew from the life of society, I looked at the world for the sake of some of Nur student brothers and sisters of mine. I heard complaints about their own family lives from most of the friends who visited me. "Alas!", I said: "The refuge of man, particularly of Muslims, a sort of Jannah and a small world of his is family life. Has this started to corrupt as well?" I sought its reason. I knew that just as in order to harm the social life of Islam and thereby to the religion of Islam, one or two committees work to mislead youth and drive them to dissipation through using the desires of youth, in the same way, I felt that one or two committees effectively work under the veil in order to drive the ghâfil part of womenkind to the wrong ways, and I knew that a terrifying blow to this Muslim nation is coming from that aspect.

So I certainly declare to my sisters and my ma’nawî children who are young amongst you:

The sole means of the happiness of women in this world as well as their happiness in the âkhirah and saving elevated morals in their fitrah from corruption is tarbiyyah of religion in the sphere of Islam; there are no other means. You hear about the degradation the unfortunate women in Russia have fallen into. In one part of the Risale-i Nur, it is said that a man of sound mind does not build his love for his wife on her transitory, exterior beauty of five to ten years, rather he should build his love on her compassion which is the most permanent and beautiful of the women’s beauties and on the beauty of her virtues that are particular to womanhood. So that as the unfortunate gets older, her husband's love for her can continue. Because it becomes necessary to love each other with more respect and compassion as they get older, since his wife is not a temporary helper companion merely in the life of this world, but rather an eternal and lovable life companion in his eternal life. The family life, which after a temporary animal-like relationship under the veil of the tarbiyyah of present civilization is subjected to eternal separation, has begun to collapse together with its foundations.

Also, in one part of the Risale-i Nur, it is said: Fortunate is the man who in order not to lose his eternal companion imitates his sâliha wife, he too becomes sâlih. Also, happy is the woman who sees her husband pious and she too becomes pious so as not to lose her eternal friend and companion; she attains her happiness in the âkhirah within her happiness in this world. Unfortunate is the man who follows his wife in dissipation and does not try to make her give it up; he joins her too. Unfortunate is the woman who sees her husband's fisq and imitates him in another way. Alas for the wife and husband who assist one another in throwing each other into the fire! That is, they encourage each other in the fantasies of civilization.

Thus, the meaning of the Risale-i Nur’s sentences with this substance is this: at this time, the cause to unfold family life and its happiness in the world and the âkhirah and to unfold the elevated morals in women can only be through Islamic âdâb within the sphere of the Sharî’ah.

Now, the most important point in family life is this: if a woman sees immorality and disloyalty in her husband and out of spite towards her husband, she spoils her loyalty and trustworthiness, which are the duties of a woman in the family, the factory of that family life will be upside-down like the obedience in the army being spoilt. Rather, that woman should try to reform her husband's faults as far as she can, so that she can save her eternal companion. Otherwise, if she tries to show herself to others by immodest dressing and tries to make herself loved by others, she loses in every aspect. For, one who abandons true loyalty pays the penalty in this world too. Because her fitrah fears and feels ashamed of the looks of non-mahrams and withdraws. She detests the looks of eighteen out of twenty non-mahram men. As for men, they detest only one out of a hundred non-mahram women and feel ashamed to look. As the woman suffers torment in that aspect, she also undergoes the accusation of disloyalty; together with her weakness, she cannot protect her rights.

The Twenty-Fourth Flash- A Conversation with Women-2nd Subtle Point

 

“Licit love for your life-companion in this world is sincere love in consequence of her delicate compassion, fine virtues and good character, together with your protecting her from being nushûz4 and sinning. The Absolutely Rahîm has promised that as a result of this licit love your life-companion shall be given to you as an eternal life-companion in the âkhirah, the realm of bliss. She will be in a form more beautifully adorned and attractive than the Houris. You will relate to one another in delight your former adventures in the world, bringing to mind old memories. She will be an intimate, gracious and eternal friend, who loves and is beloved. And, most certainly, that which He promises shall definitely be given.”  The Words ( 678 )

 

For the time being this is addressed only to the pillars of the Madrasatu’z-Zahra

(Important good news for the elderly women and a warning for the single, young girls who want to remain single.)

عَلَيْكُمْ بِدِينِ الْعَجَائِزِ 5 in the Noble Hadith shows that in the âkhirzaman powerful îmân is found in elderly women, that the noble hadith decreed “Follow the religion of pious elderly women.” Furthermore, compassion is one of Risale-i Nur’s four fundamental principles and since women are heroes of compassion even the timidest of them sacrifices her rûh for her child.

At the present time, those worthy mothers and sisters are faced with a difficult situation. My rûh is warned for the declaration to the girls amongst the Nur students, those who want to remain single or who have to, a private haqiqah of their fitrah to which the disclosure is not appropriate. So I say this:

My daughters and sisters! This time does not bear resemblance to the old-times. While a man should take a wife to be an eternal life-companion and a means of happiness in the life of this world and to keep himself from sins, he loves that unfortunate weak woman only in her temporary worldly youth, under perpetual oppression since nearly half a century, the tarbiyyah of civilisation have placed Islamic tarbiyyah in our social life. He gives difficulty to her sometimes ten times greater than the convenience that he gives her. And if they are not equal to each other which is called by the Sharî’ah kufuvv, her life passes always in pain since the laws of the Sharî’ah were ignored. And if jealousy interferes too, it would further be destroyed. There are three reasons to urge such a marriage:

The First: For the continuation of the generation, Ilahî hikmah bestowed a fıtrî inclination and ardour desire to that fıtrî duty. While it gives ten minutes pleasure to man, if it is licit, he may suffer difficulties for an hour, but for that ten minutes pleasure, the woman suffers the difficulty of carrying the child in her body for ten months and goes through great suffering by assisting that child's life for ten years. This means, since that ten-minute fıtrî inclination urges in such long-lasting hardship, it ceases to hold any importance. With that inclination, the feeling and nafs should not encourage a person to marry.

The Second: Women, by their fitrah, need a helper in the point of livelihood due to their weakness. For that need, instead of spoiling her ‘ubûdiyyah and moral, which are the means of her happiness in this world and the âkhirah for the sake of that small livelihood by performing riyâ and being oppressed on the way of acquiring the contentment of her husband, who does not take the instruction from Islamic tarbiyyah and who accustomed vagrancy and oppression, it is ten times easier to work for gaining her own sustenance like the village-women. Just as the True Razzâq provides infants’ rizq with milk so that Khâliq Who is Rahîm will provide their rizq too. It is not an act of a student of the Risale-i Nur, by performing riyâ, to seek for a husband who does not perform salâh and has lost his moral, taking upon his oppression for the sake of that rizq.

The Third: In the fitrah of women, there is the inclination to love and caress children. And the service of her child in this world, and his shafâ’ah in the âkhirah, and after his mother’s death, the assistance to her with his good works strengthen that fıtrî inclination and encourages them to marry. But now, through the tarbiyyah of civilisation in place of Islamic tarbiyyah, in return of the possibility of one or two true children out of ten devotedly helping in return for the compassion of their mother, causing to be written merits in the books of their mothers’ good deeds through their pious du'âs and own good works, and becoming a shafî’ for their mothers in the âkhirah if they were sâlihs, eight out of ten are not thus. Therefore, due to this ardour of nafs and fıtrî inclination, those unfortunate weak women should not enter such difficult lives unless they are absolutely obliged to.

So as a consequence of this haqiqah that we have pointed out, I say to the girls amongst the Nur students who want to remain unmarried: without finding a husband who is completely suitable, religious and upright, they should not try to sell themselves by immodest clothing. If he is not found, they should remain single like some of the self-sacrificing Nur students, until a suitor appears who has a conscience and has received Islamic tarbiyyah and is worthy of her and will be her eternal companion. And, her eternal happiness may not be destroyed for some temporary worldly pleasure and she may not be drowned in the evils of civilization.

Said Nursi

Note: My sisters and the young girls should read the Risale on Tasattur6 ”

Emirdağ Addendum-2 (49-50)

 

“My ‘Azîz, Siddîq Brothers!

We congratulate your Mi’raj and request from Ilahi rahmah that he gives you and us complete success in the Sunnah as-Saniyyah of the Possessor of Mi’raj (asm). I will write to you about one or two minor matters that have come to our attention over the last one or two days.

Firstly: An incident which shows one of the many reasons why some Risale-i Nur students remain unmarried is as follows:

I recently explained a brief haqiqah to a lady who had suffered the blows of youth, was unmarried and looked for consolation, making the effort to connect with the Risale-i Nur. She was busy studying at an important school and was the daughter of an important man. I am writing it to you so that it may benefit others in your area.

I said the following: Since you have suffered the blows of youth: do not undertake the fıtrî duty of reproduction. Because in return for that duty of fitrah, the temporary enjoyment and pleasure a man receives as a price, is to a degree sufficient for him in the beginning. As for the helpless lady, she will carry the heavy burden of that duty for a year and be left with the troubles of raising and nurturing a child for one or two years, and as a result of immodest clothing which has become pervasive, be faced with her husband’s insinuations of disloyalty, and the possibility of his interest in others and not treating her with sincere compassion; she will at all times be troubled and left dealing with pains of conscience –

And particularly since they are not suitable in terms of moral and religion, which is expressed with kufuvv7 in the Sharî’ah, it is a far more painful torment. Especially those who are outside of the Islamic tarbiyyah and live by the title of Muslim, since they are unable to find the respect and mutual compassion which comes from îmân, it completely destroys worldly happiness and makes them suffer torments of Jahannam.

In return for the many difficulties faced in fulfilling their duty of reproduction and their many services, both mother and father have only a sincere respect and a loyal obedience from their child in this World in return for their service and compassion which they provide with complete respect and loyalty, and after their passing away, have their children record rewards in their book of deeds through righteousness, meritorious acts and du'âs; and, if the child dies as an innocent before the age of fifteen, have their children become a shafî’ for them in qiyâmah and as a loveable child in their embrace in Jannah.

But now, due to the tarbiyyah of this vile civilisation taking the place of Islamic tarbiyyah, only one child out of ten, rather twenty, rather forty, can barely fulfil the above-mentioned qualities of a worthy child in return for the extremely important service and compassion of their mother and father. The others will constantly hurt the compassion of their parents with anxieties, and have those mothers and fathers who are true and loyal friends, suffer the pangs of conscience as well as bring claims against them on the âkhirah, saying “Why did you not make me receive tarbiyyah through îmân?” Rather than be a shafî’, they will make complaints against them.” Kastamonu Addendum (276)

 

“The answer to the question which has been asked by some newspapers in various important places in a foreign country. “Why have you remained unmarried in opposition to the Sunnah As-Saniyyah?

We read your letters to our Ustadh, who is extremely ill. He said to us: “If I had not been so ill, I would have written a detailed reply to these most valued, inquiring and blessed brothers of mine. But my severe condition does not allow it.  Write a very brief few points to those blessed and sincere brothers of mine and my friends in the service of Qur’an.”

The First: For forty years, in the face of terrifying attacks of zandaqa, at a time truly devoted people who would sacrifice everything are required, I decided to sacrifice for the haqiqah of Al-Qur’an Al-Hakîm not only my happiness in the world but if need be, even my happiness in the âkhirah. Not only for taking temporary wives of the world, which is a Sunnah; but even if ten houris had been given to me in this world, I was obliged to abandon them so that I can serve the haqiqah of the Qur’an with true ikhlas. For these committees of irreligion were making such terrible attacks and wiles that in order to withstand them, utmost self-sacrifice and not making the religious deeds a tool for anything other than acceptance of Allah was required.

Some wretched ‘ulamâ and the people of taqwâ gave fatwas to bid’ahs due to the livelihood of their families or they appeared to be supporters. Especially in the face of the necessity of istighnâ from everything, utmost firmness and steadfastness against the terrible attacks as the abolition of religious instruction and adhan of Muhammad (asm), I abandoned the custom of marriage which is a Sunnah as-Saniyyah in order not to commit many harams and perform many wajibs and fardhs. A hundred sins are not committed for the sake of one Sunnah. For in the space of those forty years some hojas who fulfiled only one Sunnah have supposed themselves compelled to commit ten kabâir and harams and to give up a part of Sunnah and fardhs.

Secondly: Such commands in the noble âyah: فَانْكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُمْ and in the noble Hadith: تَنَاكَحُوا تَكَاثَرُوا 8 are not constant and wâjib, rather, they are preferable (mustahab) and Sunnah. They are also subject to conditions and are not for everyone and for all time.

Moreover;  لاَ رُهْبَانِيَّةَ فِى اْلاِسْلاَمِ “There is no monachism in Islam” does not mean to remain unmarried like monks is rejected, wrong and haram, rather, through the mystery of the Hadith, خَيْرُ النَّاسِ مَنْ يَنْفَعُ النَّاسَ9 , favouring a social Islamic custom in order to serve social life. Otherwise, thousands of the people of haqiqah amongst Salaf as-Salîhîn temporarily went into seclusion and caves. They isolated themselves and displayed istighnâ from the transient ornaments of the world so that they could completely serve their eternal lives. Since there were many Salaf as-Salîhîn who abandoned the world for their personal and particular eternal perfections and attainments, abandoning one’s ephemeral and transient world not particularly but universally and generally for the eternal life of many unfortunates and to prevent them falling into dhalâlah and for them to save their îmân through strengthening it, and to completely serve the haqiqah of the Qur’an and îmân, and to resist the irreligious who emerge from outside the country and within it, indeed it is not opposition to the Sunnah as-Saniyyah, rather, it is compliance with the haqiqah of Sunnah. With the thought of gaining a particle of As-Siddîq Al-Akbar’s10 utmost loyalty in self-sacrifice with “Let my body so expand in the Jahannam that no room remains for the people of îmân!”, this unfortunate Said chose istighnâ and to divest himself of worldly concerns throughout his life.

Thirdly: The students of the Risale-i Nur have not been told and are not told: “Others marry; abandon marriage”. But students are of several classes. At the present time, to not to lose true ikhlas and to bear true self-sacrifice and utmost loyalty, it is required for one class of those students to not engage in the needs of the world as far as possible during a temporary part of their life.

If they find a woman who will assist them in the service of the Qur’an and îmân, they may take a wife. It does not harm their service. Lillahilhamd, there are many Nur students of this sort. Their wives are no less than themselves. In fact, they may go further than their husbands with respect to their fitrî heroism and true ikhlas arising from their compassion, which awaits no recompense. Most of the adult Nur students have married and fulfiled this Sunnah. The Risale-i Nur says to them: “Your homes should be a small Madrasa of Nur and a school of knowledge so that this Sunnah is completely fulfiled. The children who are the fruits of the Sunnah as-Saniyyah may be shafî’ for you in the âkhirah. They may be true children to you in the world through taking lessons of îmân. Otherwise, as has happened to an extent these last thirty years, if those children are given only the tarbiyyah of civilization they will ask “why did you not save my îmân?” through being fruitless in respect in this world and a plaintiff in the âkhirah. To grieve the parents in this way is opposed to the hikmah of the Sunnah as-Saniyyah.” Guide For Women (25)

 

 

اَللّٰهُمَّ يَا اَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ وَ ارْحَمْ اُمَّةَ مُحَمَّدٍ عَلَيْهِ الصَّلاَةُ وَ السَّلاَمُ وَ نَوِّرْ قُلُوبَ اُمَّةِ مُحَمَّدٍ عَلَيْهِ الصَّلاَةُ وَ السَّلاَمُ بِنُورِ اْلاِيمَانِ وَ الْقُرْآنِ وَ نَوِّرْ بُرْهَانَ الْقُرْآنِ وَ عَظِّمْ شَرِيعَةَ اْلاِسْلاَمِ آمِينَ

سُبْحَانَكَ لاَ عِلْمَ لَنَا اِلاَّ مَا عَلَّمْتَنَا اِنَّكَ اَنْتَ الْعَلِيمُ الْحَكِيمُ